How to teach a workout class in Darija (Moroccan Arabic)

I have no idea, why are you asking me!?  But I probably should find out since I will be teaching workout classes at my center three times a week.  This is going to be interesting...


The first two classes I "taught" went "well".  It was a mix of aerobics, yoga, pilates, belly-dance and anything else I could pull out of my a** in two seconds.  The trick is to not let anyone sense that you have no idea what you are doing.  Ok, ok, now I don't want you getting the wrong impression.  The class did go well and the women in my class were so amazing and patient, but explaining that tree pose is a great way to stay centered and how important it is to be centered in one's life is not that easy to say in Darija.  I didn't even try to explain the importance of a strong core, that wasn't in my Darija dictionary.  


So teaching workout classes is one of the things I will be doing for the next two years inshalla.  Not too shabby I must say.  I am hoping to focus on yoga and pilates since that is what I know best, and maybe sprinkle a little dance in it, something like yoga-dancealates (copyright Lucia Cucinotta so don't steal it!)  Now if only I knew more Darija...story of my life.

This is going to be the good life!

I did it! I made it! Finally!  I am officially a Peace Corps Volunteer!! WooHoo!  I have no idea what I will be doing or exactly what my new home is like, but isn't that all part of the charm of Peace Corps?  


So far during Community Based Training I was hit in the face with a boob, laughed at by my host mom for for attempting to do anything domestic because lets be real I had no idea what I was doing (at least I am amusing), saw a sheep get slaughtered, felt bad, and then ate it because meat is AMAZING, was rewarded for being a sassy pain in the a** by being elected as the representative to the Volunteer Advisory Committee, and went to the dentist!  Yes, went to the dentist AND got a filling (which was not as scary as I thought)!  Don't worry, my filling is white, my mother would kill me if it was any other way!  Maybe me insisting to the Peace Corps that I need to go to a place that can give me a white is one of the reasons I am considered a pain in the a**?  But I am from New Jersey so really it could be anything...


I am not sure what my internet connectivity will be like, but once I get something consistent I will post more about me being a pain in the a** or just funny stories about me not knowing what the f**** I am doing, which is actually ALL the time...story of my life.


p.s. if there is anyone who is reading this because they want to learn more about  what it will be like serving in the Peace Corps, don't believe a word I am saying.  The most important thing I have learned so far is don't believe a word any Peace Corps Trainee or Volunteer says, because they are full of s**t, including me.  Ok not full of s**t, but speaking from what cross culturalists call your "lens".  As cheezy as this is, the Peace Corps experience is really your own, how you will deal with a new culture is really all your own, and how you will deal with uncertainty is really all your own, and how you will deal with crazies is really all your own.  God speed and be prepared to have your MIND BLOWN!  

The Year of Adventure: site placement, camel burgers, and Peace Corps, oh my!

                                                                (camel burgers are cool)

It is official, the Year of Adventure has begun!  First, I ate a camel burger!  VERY adventurous of me, no?  I was however a little disappointed, I was not really tasting the camel.  Maybe I was too infatuated with my date milkshake, but I think the burger just lacked the "wow I am eating a F***ing camel burger!" factor.  


I also now know where I will be living for the next two years!  I will be an hour away from Marrakech and two from Essouria.  And that is literally all I know. ADVENTURE!  I am honestly very excited about this experience, because this is what the year of adventure is all about!


Finally, the Peace Corps.  Oh how you have been an adventure and will continue to be one!  Oh how I love the sometimes culturally insensitive things my fellow PCs say and the constant wondering if I am the one who is OUT OF MY MIND or if it is the people around me.  But is this not the story of my life?


SO yes, this is the beginning of my Year of Adventure, I hope you all enjoy the ride :)  

So, turns out you really only need eight words to semi-survive in Morocco...

                                                     ( me looking like I know what I am doing)


Greetings are VERY important in Moroccan culture, so much so that you really only need eight words to semi-survive in Morocco while somewhat looking like you know what you are doing, these are:


salam: hello
labas: good
kulshi: everything
bixir: fine
l-Hamdullah: thanks to be God
inshallah: if God wills
mzyan: good
bslama: goodbye


Below is a typical conversation I have everyday:


Moroccan (who is acting like they know me): Salam!
Me (trying to act cool like I know them but secretly have no idea, did I see them at the hammam the other night?): Salam!
Moroccan: Labas?
Me: Labas inshallah! Labas?
Moroccan: Labas inshallah, kulshi bixir?
Me: Kulshi bixir inshallah! Mzien?
Moroccan: Kulshi mzien inshallah!
Me: Mzien, mzien!
Moroccan: (says something I cannot understand because I do not know that much Darija)
Me: inshallah! (I am asking this hoping it is the right answer, but I really have no idea)
Moroccan: Mzian! (yes! I answered correctly!) Bslama!
Me: Bslama! (thinking to myself that I hope I didn't just get invited to dinner because I have no idea who this person is...)


Story of my life, the end.

Orientalism, you sir are a liar.

This picture of a hammam (or public bath) is a lie.  Ok, not a total lie, the part about everyone being naked is true.  But there is no music, not tea, no dates, no fancy headscarves and jewelry, and no rose water.  Therefore, orientalism is a liar, a big fat liar.  I don't know what I was expecting my first real hammam experience to be like (I don't count that time in Turkey because it was really touristy) but I didn't expect to get hit in the face with a boob.  Yes, a boob.  I mean how do you even prepare for that?  But despite the boob slap, and the fact that orientalism is a big fat liar and I will never listen to him again, going to the hammam is a really amazing experience.


The town where I am training in is known for their hammams.  The town's water is said to have special healing powers so a lot of people from surrounding towns come to my town just for the hammams.  Every store sells some time of hammam product, but the must gets are a brilla pad like scrubber (lkiss), hammam soap (sabun lbldi) which looks like mud wrapped in saran wrap, henna, soap, and shampoo.  Once you get all these things you are ready to go.  


When you get to the hammam, you take off all your clothes but your undies (just suck it up and do it).  You find a spot, preferably by the central pool, you get a bucket with some hot water, you get a bucket with some cold water, and then you scrub.  You don't just scrub, you SCRUB all that dead skin off with that brilla brush, and gurl if you aren't doing a good job someone will do it for you (just suck it up, this is a compliment).  But be careful, if you have sensitive skin you can get rug burn on your neck and then everyone will make fun of you because it looks like you have hickies all over your neck, not that I would know...  


When you are done with your first scrub you then you put the sabun lbldi all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put the henna all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put some soap all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put shampoo in your hair, and then you wash off.  This whole process takes about three hours.  Yes, THREE HOURS.  But remember, you aren't just scrubbing in the hammam, you are socializing (or at least trying to socialize in broken Moroccan Arabic). You are meeting people, making connections, and getting invited to things.  However, this can be problematic.  Turns out people look MUCH different naked then they do with clothes on.  SO, if you think you get invited to dinner by someone who acts like they know you, but then realize you have no idea who that person is, make sure you are with your host sister so she can make sure you don't look like a complete asshole.


And remember, there is minimal personal space in the hammam, so be prepared.  And when you are going to fill up your buckets with water, which you will do quite often in three hours, be careful of where you head is or you will get hit in the face with a boob, true story.

Lonely Planet Moroccan Arabic phrasebook, what the f*** is wrong with you?

Honestly, wtf?   The goal of a phrasebook is to NOT make me look like an asshole, which is what I would look like if I used ANY phrase from your Sustainable Travel phrase section in the back.  If I went to the local souq (market) and or hanout (store) in my CBT site and asked “Wash Katibi’u ssel’a dyal ttizhara lmunsifa?” (do you sell Fair Trade products) or “Wash katbi’u lmuntazhar l’udwiya” (Do you sell organic products) I would look like a complete asshole.  Besides from the phrases in this section being completely pretentious (e.g. would you like me to teach you some English?), last I checked this isn’t Whole Foods, this is Morocco.  I saw the man in the souq kill my chicken in-front of me, feather it, gut it, and then give it back to me in a plastic bag.  No saran wrap here, this chicken is legit free range AND local.  Gurl, you don’t need phrases to make sure you are eating locally and fresh here because you just are.  I know, shocking.    

Oh, and it gets better, oh yes, much better.  For a phrasebook that is written for a tourist, Lonely Planet gives you the phrases “What sorts of issues is this community facing” and then gives you the option of inserting “freedom of the press”, “police and army reforms”, political unrest”, “religious freedom,” and “rights of women and children.”  I have been living with a family for almost a month now, and even I wouldn’t ask that, you know why, because I don’t want to look like an asshole.  Lonely Plant, I am not sure if you know this but there is this thing called integration and diplomacy, where you get to know the people and the community, build a few relationships, and hopefully are seen as trustworthy and then you can talk about sensitive subjects like police brutality.  You know what happens if you don’t do this, you look like a pretentious asshole.  And believe me, if you asked Air Maroc “wash ‘end sharika ttayaran dyalkum bernamazh lta’weed lkarbun” (does you airline have a carbon-offset scheme?) you would look like an asshole.   

Marhaba culture shock, my name is Lucia, how nice it is to meet you.

So, meet the turkish toilet.  After a six hour plane ride from JFK to Casablanca, and then a 4 hour bus ride from Casablanca to Fes, this was the last thing I wanted to see.  My problem with the turkish toilet lies in the possibility of having to do number two coupled with the possibility that I CAN'T use toilet paper because it might clog the toilet.  Yes, a hole in the floor can get clogged, go figure.  So all those jokes about wiping my ass with my hand and water that I made before I left might actually come true.  Story of my life...


But you know what, I AM FROM NEW JERSEY!  I am not some punk that is going to let a piece of porcelain push me around!  And anyway, after our turkish toilet training that was originally scheduled for Monday was moved to today after multiple requests, I am more convinced by its benefits.  Turns out squatting is better for your digestive track anyway and will make "things" run smoother!  In addition, it is surprisingly more hygienic if done right!  Ok, hear me out.  If you think about sitting on a toilet, when number two comes out it gets all over your bum.  But on a turkish toilet there is minimal poo/bum touching because your cheeks are spread!  Also, you don't have to use your hand!  Instead of using your hand to wipe off the said poo with paper (ew!) you use water, then a cloth and soap, drip dry or cloth dry, wash your hands, and then voila you're done!  While some might need a little more convincing that the turkish toilet is in fact better, I have made up my mind and am remaining positive about my current situation as you can see by my constant use of exclamation points!  Oh culture shock, you are so ironic...