In addition to getting a great job, finding a beautiful apartment with a hot shower and washer and dryer, joining OkCupid and actually finding a pretty wonderful guy, and beginning my Year of Wellness, my first year back in America has been spent cleaning my closet.
The cleaning of my closet was a process that took a little over a year to actually complete, and I am still kind of shocked it took me that long to do it. There were times where I thought that, yes, this is it, I have nothing else to let go of, my closet is perfect! But then on a sleepless night, or an early morning, I would attack my closet, throwing shoes, bags, costume jewelry, and clothes in a bag to give away. Letting go, and making space for new things, is not easy, especially when your skinny jeans are involved.
The stages of cleaning my closet went something like this:
1. The Obvious S**t
One of the first things I did when I got back and was living at home un-employed, was to go through all my stuff that I had left behind. To be honest, I must have been out of my mind with some of the s**t I kept. T-shirts with holes, bras that would only fit half of one of my boobs, Adams Morgan/bar crawl sexy heels, 100,000 wristlets bought at TJMaxx for $6.99, a collection of Christmas Eve pajamas, clothes left from college (let that sink it)...the list goes on and on and on. After living for 27 months wearing the same 5-6 outfits over and over again, coming home and seeing how much crap I actually kept was cray cray. So I got rid of all the stuff I was too old to wear, that was too damaged to keep, or was just plain repetitive (I do not need 4 pairs of black heels, I just don't). These selections were obvious and I made a good $20 from Buffalo Exchange which I used to purchase wine for a good friend and me.
2. You Are Too Old for This S**t
This was a little more difficult, because this was all my "cute" and "sexy" stuff. Oh but I wore that dress to that club and so many people bought me drinks! I bought that dress at one of my favorite stores in DC and it makes my boobs look great! I LIVED in that t-shirt/blouse/pants when I lived in DC! A lot changes in 27 months, including that with every year that passed I got a little older. So I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed to give away these things to update my wardrobe, because now that I am a little older, wearing a boob exposing blouse just doesn't look as good on a 29/30 year old as it did on a 25/26 year old. So I sold all that stuff at Buffalo Exchange and bought some more mature clothes suitable for a lady that is no longer a complete hot mess riding the train to crazy town.
3. Just Get Over This S**T
This stage was yet again more difficult. This consisted of all the stuff that were gifts but that I had never worn/used. I guess I held onto this stuff out of a sense of duty. These were thoughtful gifts that were given to me, but there was not point on holding on to these things simply because I felt I had to. So I let them go. I never wore them, and they never seemed to really fit, so I got over myself and gave them to someone who would get more use out of them than me. I mean, yes, I love scarves, but who the f*ck need 100,000 scarves?
4. Make this S**t Simple
I am going to tell everyone a little secret. If I could wear the same comfy yet hip and stylish I am too cool to care and yet so effortlessly classy outfit every day, I.WOULD. My life as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Morocco gave me the excuse to wear the same 6 pieces of clothes over and over again, and I loved it. It was so simple. Everything I owned had to match because I did not have the room or money for it not to, which is how I perfected the carry-on only travel policy. While I still have way more that 6 pieces of clothes, and they are of a little higher quality, if I wanted to wear them with yoga pants I could. And what better thing is there in life than wearing yoga pants?
5. Girl, Your Ass Will Never Again Fit Into This S**t, Get Over It
Oh, this stage hurt. This is my Year of Wellness, and I plan to not only get physically healthy (aka back in shape) but be in a better place financially, mentally, and emotionally. Now don't get all worried, I am not on the verge of having a break down, but I think returning to life in America, and coming to terms with everything I missed and how much everyone has changed, yet stayed the same, has been much more difficult than I have been willing to admit to myself, and I need to face that to move forward. I am doing a yoga teacher training, participating in Baron Baptiste Level One, and am looking for better financial opportunities. But I also needed to get rid of a lot of stuff I was holding onto, like that amazing Club Monaco grey pinstripe blazer that I bought at the Marshals by the Moorsetown Mall for $30 back in HIGH SCHOOL. My boobs will never, ever, ever fit into that blazer ever again. They just won't, and I don't know if I want them to, because that was HIGH SCHOOL. This year is not about losing weight, but developing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. So while drinking a little less red wine and doing more yoga might make me lose weight, I will most likely never fit into that beautiful chiffon tan dress with white polka dots that I bought at the TJMaxx down the shore and wore when Mrs. Fulbright visited the office I worked at after I graduated college. And you know what, even if I did, I should treat myself to something new, even though the last time I wore that really great navy blue dress I accidentally butt flashed some very attractive men in uniform in front of the White House when a gust of wind blew up the dress...
Sure, I still kept all my jllabas from Morocco, one pair of my "skinny" jeans, that electric blue corduroy skirt I bought at the Armani Exchange outlet in Italy in 2006, and 30 scarves. But I did get rid of a lot of s**t I no longer need in my life or that simply just does not fit. I will never stop cleaning my closet, partially becasue I love discount/consignment shopping, but after spending an entire year cleaning my closet, I think I have done a pretty good job of letting go of the past and making way for that pair of Ferragamo loafers I found for $5 at the church sale down the street. Life is good.
