UPDATE: Sheep Talk

Sheep 2 now (head and feet)

Sheep 2 now (body)


L3id Mubarak Said to everyone...but this sheep.

Sheep Talk

Sheep 1

Sheep 2

Scene: 5am a few mornings before Eid Kbir, where every Muslim Moroccan family buys a sheep so they can slaughter it to represent when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son but at the last minute God gave him a lamb.  I am laying in bed as the sheep in the courtyard below me (sheep 1) and the sheep on the roof (sheep 2) are having a conversation. I am not impressed.

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa
(long silence)
Sheep 2: ba
Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Me: (laying in bed staring at the ceiling) sigh

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Me: (loudly roll over, like the sheep will hear how annoyed I am and stop) ugh

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

(3 loud bangs and hoof scratching on the roof)

Me: F*** This!

(clumsily roll out of bed, try to look descent, stumble up to the roof)

Me: WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT!?

Sheep 2: (blink blink) ba (runs into wall then stomps hoof on floor...stares at me and tries to butt me with his sheep horns)

Me: Well f*** you too, I was going to give you some bread with peanut butter on it to shut you up, but now I'm not.  Your loss, jerk.  (look down at the sheep in the courtyard) Screw you too!

(go back to my apartment, get back in bed, and close my eyes.  There is a long silence and I start falling back asleep)

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Sheep 2: ba

Sheep 1: baaaa baaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaaaa baaaaa

(long silence)

Me: (open my eyes, stare at the ceiling) sigh, fml...

Peace Corps and Pinterest, FML...

I have a love hate relationship with Pinterest.  

I love Pinterest because it gives me something to do when I have nothing to do.  I can imagine what my amazing wardrobe will be like when I get out of the Peace Corps and have a job where I can wear fabulous clothes, I can imagine that one day when I have a real kitchen I will in fact bake AMAZING homemade thin mints and other s**t people bake, I can look at endless pictures of dogs, and I can look at shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes! a s**tload of fabulous FABULOUS SHOES!

I hate Pinterest because it is a constant reminder of what I can't have as a Peace Corps Morocco volunteer and it drives me temporarily BAT S**T CRAZY.

For example, when I see this I am like:

OMFG THIS S**T IS CRAZY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. LOOK AT THAT SYRUP AND BUTTER AND POWDERED SUGAR!  Holy s**t THERE IS A PUMPKIN! A F**KING PUMPKIN! AND PANCAKES!

OMFG look at those LAYERS!  Effortless, F**KING EFFORTLESS!  Why can't I look THAT EFFORTLESS! I WANT TO WEAR LAYERS BUT IT IS TOO DAMN HOT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! FML! (rolling around on the floor, about ready to cry)

(lifts self off floor) OMFG she looks SO F**KING COOL! FML! I WILL NEVER LOOK THAT COOL!  Oh, and her hair, HER HAIR! JUST LOOK AT HER F**KING HAIR! HOW DOES SHE DO IT!?!?  AND she is so skinny! HOW DOES SHE DO IT?! You know how she does it Cia? she doesn't eat bread EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY! BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIVE IN MOROCCO! She can look that good because SHE DOESN'T LIVE IN MOROCCO!

OMFG! (pacing around my bedroom pulling out my hair in a total FREAK OUT) Peanut butter, chocolate, and marshmallow...PEANUT F**KING BUTTER, CHOCOLATE, AND MARSHMALLOW! THAT LOOKS F**KING delicious DELICIOUS! I WANT TO EAT THAT NOW!!! RIGHT THE F**KING NOW! F**K BEING SKINNY!

(hyperventilating) 

(I think I just passed out...regain consciousness) OMFG gold sparkly flats! GOLD SPARKLY FLATS! I F**KING LOOOOVVVVEEEEE GOLD SPARKLY FLATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg, OMFG! 

OMFG! (head hits floor, and I'm out)

The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act

WASHINGTON DC-  the United States Government currently determines how "real" a Peace Corps Volunteer's Peace Corps experience is based on how little amenities they have, what percentage of their home is made of mud and is similar to the look and make of a hut, how many different forms of transportation it takes them to get to the nearest city, and what percentage of their community thinks they are a spy.  However, this form of measurement has been argued by many politicians on the hill and guilty feeling Peace Corps Volunteers to be inaccurate.  

For example, in Peace Corps Morocco, where volunteers are being sent to larger cities like Essaouria, Kelaa des Sraghna, and Tamesloht, amenities that volunteers are accustomed to having in the United States like sitting toilets, showers, sheets, and fish tanks can be easily found and used by volunteers.  Homes are more like apartment buildings than hut like structures made of mud.  Transportation to larger cities is usually a bus ride, a grand taxi ride, or just stepping outside of one's home.  Finally, for some of these larger cities that volunteers are placed in, there are foreigners already living there, so there is a higher probability that the Peace Corps Morocco Volunteer will be confused for a tourist as opposed to a spy.  

Given the new realities facing Peace Corps Volunteers, and the desire of Peace Corps Headquarters to not give the impression to tax payers and Republicans that the Peace Corps is a 27 month vacation for people who have nothing better to do, Peace Corps Headquarters with the help of said "many politicians on the hill" will be introducing a bill onto the floor of the House.  The new bill titled The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act recommends that the "realness" of a Peace Corps Volunteer's experience should not be measured by the lack of amenities a Peace Corps Volunteer has in country as compared to what they would of had in the United States if they just listened to their mother and didn't join the Peace Corps in the first place, but how many times they have pooped their pants.

Peace Corps Morocco Volunteer Lucia Cucinotta supports the Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act and says that "Based on the old measurement, I am technically not a Peace Corps Volunteer at all.  It is like I don't exist because my experience is not "real."  I have a pretty nice apartment with fancy tiling and molding and a pink western toilet, I have access to peanut butter on a regular basis, and I am an hour grand taxi ride from Marrakech where I can eat creme brulee and sit at a cafe while drinking a fancy frapaccino like drink while listening to hipster music.  Granted, I don't have hot water or wireless internet, but I wanted to kind of rough it you know?  But with this new measurement, my Peace Corps experience is actually very "real."  I have pooped my pants about five times already and I am only a year in!  Based on what I have heard from other Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers I am at the top of the list and am having one of the "realest" Peace Corps experiences of my staj!"  The Peace Corps Morocco Medical Office confirmed Ms. Cucinotta's statement saying that on average Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers will poop their pants about one to three times in the first year, so Ms. Cucinotta is on the right track of having a very real Peace Corps experience.

Political experts believe The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act will be easily passed by the House and Senate because with elections coming up they have to look like they are doing SOMETHING other than squabbling about the budget or waging a war agains women.  Ms. Cucinotta was excited to hear the news of the possibility of her Peace Corps experience turning from not existing at all to being very real and said "We (Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers) are all so excited about this change and are even considering getting t-shirts made about how many times we have pooped our pants!"