In Morocco, a gazella is not a fur like animal with horns but a pretty woman. And just like hunting gazellas in the jungle, or wherever it is they live, catching one is an art form. Here are a few helpful steps to get you on your way to catch yourself your own gazella:
1. Find a woman on the street you think is attractive. Make sure she is not Moroccan because it would be extremely inappropriate to talk to a Moroccan woman without the presence of her family. Make sure she is a foreigner, preferably an American, because what you see in movies is true and American women are all sluts, EVERY SINGLE ONE. Plus, they most likely don't know what is culturally appropriate and inappropriate, so you don't have to feel bad about being an asshole, because she doesn't know any better.
2. Say "bounjour", "bueno sera", "ciao", "hello baby", "hey gazella", "mmm lquqa(artichoke)", "give me your number", and/or "I speaka da inglish". It doesn't matter if she doesn't speak the language of the phrase you use, she is white, and therefore speaks some type of non-arabic language. It is also not important that you use the proper term for the appropriate time of day, "bueno sera" can be used during the morning, evening, or night. What IS important is that she knows you speak another language and have therefore had some type of education, watch American movies, and/or know just what American women want.
3. It is very important that you say these things AFTER she passes you on the street. Looking her in the eye and actually saying these things to her face requires something called "balls" or a "scrotum." This is not a common thing for gazella hunters to have because it requires that the hunter has a certain level of integrity. That is ok if you lack integrity, it is overrated anyway, and remember, as the movies show, American women like assholes.
4. Don't get discouraged is she says things like:
"what the f*** is wrong with you?"
"are you saying I look like a furry animal with long horns on my head?!"
"why are you missing all your teeth?"
"it is the morning, you say buon giorno, asshole"
"Je ne parle pas francais, asshole"
"who the f*** are you calling an artichoke, are you telling me I look like a f****ing artichoke!"
"no I will not give you my number, asshole"
The fact that she took the effort to turn around and say something to you means she is interested. This is good.
5. Don't listen to what she is saying and continue to talk in the foreign language you know best (French, Spanish, Italian, or English). Ask her if she is married, tell her she is pretty, and most important tell her you need her number so you can take her to a beach town to get to know her better. If she tries to walk away, block her way and continue asking her personal questions that you would never ask a Moroccan woman. Foreign woman LOVE this.
6. After she threatens to talk to your mother about how horrible you are (because you do still live with your mother), call the police, or says "shame on you for talking to me in such a bad way, you wold never talk to a Moroccan woman like this, so why are you talking to me like this" let her go on her way, she is making a little too much sense and this is bad. But remember, you might not have caught her TODAY but there is always tomorrow.
7. If after doing this all day, you still haven't caught a gazella, don't be discouraged. Remember you can always just go home and jerk off to the pajama section of the Marjane catalogue, because lets be honest, that is all you have.
The end.
