The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act

WASHINGTON DC-  the United States Government currently determines how "real" a Peace Corps Volunteer's Peace Corps experience is based on how little amenities they have, what percentage of their home is made of mud and is similar to the look and make of a hut, how many different forms of transportation it takes them to get to the nearest city, and what percentage of their community thinks they are a spy.  However, this form of measurement has been argued by many politicians on the hill and guilty feeling Peace Corps Volunteers to be inaccurate.  

For example, in Peace Corps Morocco, where volunteers are being sent to larger cities like Essaouria, Kelaa des Sraghna, and Tamesloht, amenities that volunteers are accustomed to having in the United States like sitting toilets, showers, sheets, and fish tanks can be easily found and used by volunteers.  Homes are more like apartment buildings than hut like structures made of mud.  Transportation to larger cities is usually a bus ride, a grand taxi ride, or just stepping outside of one's home.  Finally, for some of these larger cities that volunteers are placed in, there are foreigners already living there, so there is a higher probability that the Peace Corps Morocco Volunteer will be confused for a tourist as opposed to a spy.  

Given the new realities facing Peace Corps Volunteers, and the desire of Peace Corps Headquarters to not give the impression to tax payers and Republicans that the Peace Corps is a 27 month vacation for people who have nothing better to do, Peace Corps Headquarters with the help of said "many politicians on the hill" will be introducing a bill onto the floor of the House.  The new bill titled The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act recommends that the "realness" of a Peace Corps Volunteer's experience should not be measured by the lack of amenities a Peace Corps Volunteer has in country as compared to what they would of had in the United States if they just listened to their mother and didn't join the Peace Corps in the first place, but how many times they have pooped their pants.

Peace Corps Morocco Volunteer Lucia Cucinotta supports the Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act and says that "Based on the old measurement, I am technically not a Peace Corps Volunteer at all.  It is like I don't exist because my experience is not "real."  I have a pretty nice apartment with fancy tiling and molding and a pink western toilet, I have access to peanut butter on a regular basis, and I am an hour grand taxi ride from Marrakech where I can eat creme brulee and sit at a cafe while drinking a fancy frapaccino like drink while listening to hipster music.  Granted, I don't have hot water or wireless internet, but I wanted to kind of rough it you know?  But with this new measurement, my Peace Corps experience is actually very "real."  I have pooped my pants about five times already and I am only a year in!  Based on what I have heard from other Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers I am at the top of the list and am having one of the "realest" Peace Corps experiences of my staj!"  The Peace Corps Morocco Medical Office confirmed Ms. Cucinotta's statement saying that on average Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers will poop their pants about one to three times in the first year, so Ms. Cucinotta is on the right track of having a very real Peace Corps experience.

Political experts believe The Realness Measurement of Your Peace Corps Experience Act will be easily passed by the House and Senate because with elections coming up they have to look like they are doing SOMETHING other than squabbling about the budget or waging a war agains women.  Ms. Cucinotta was excited to hear the news of the possibility of her Peace Corps experience turning from not existing at all to being very real and said "We (Peace Corps Morocco Volunteers) are all so excited about this change and are even considering getting t-shirts made about how many times we have pooped our pants!"