Orientalism, you sir are a liar.

This picture of a hammam (or public bath) is a lie.  Ok, not a total lie, the part about everyone being naked is true.  But there is no music, not tea, no dates, no fancy headscarves and jewelry, and no rose water.  Therefore, orientalism is a liar, a big fat liar.  I don't know what I was expecting my first real hammam experience to be like (I don't count that time in Turkey because it was really touristy) but I didn't expect to get hit in the face with a boob.  Yes, a boob.  I mean how do you even prepare for that?  But despite the boob slap, and the fact that orientalism is a big fat liar and I will never listen to him again, going to the hammam is a really amazing experience.


The town where I am training in is known for their hammams.  The town's water is said to have special healing powers so a lot of people from surrounding towns come to my town just for the hammams.  Every store sells some time of hammam product, but the must gets are a brilla pad like scrubber (lkiss), hammam soap (sabun lbldi) which looks like mud wrapped in saran wrap, henna, soap, and shampoo.  Once you get all these things you are ready to go.  


When you get to the hammam, you take off all your clothes but your undies (just suck it up and do it).  You find a spot, preferably by the central pool, you get a bucket with some hot water, you get a bucket with some cold water, and then you scrub.  You don't just scrub, you SCRUB all that dead skin off with that brilla brush, and gurl if you aren't doing a good job someone will do it for you (just suck it up, this is a compliment).  But be careful, if you have sensitive skin you can get rug burn on your neck and then everyone will make fun of you because it looks like you have hickies all over your neck, not that I would know...  


When you are done with your first scrub you then you put the sabun lbldi all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put the henna all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put some soap all over yourself, then you scrub some more, then you wash off, then you put shampoo in your hair, and then you wash off.  This whole process takes about three hours.  Yes, THREE HOURS.  But remember, you aren't just scrubbing in the hammam, you are socializing (or at least trying to socialize in broken Moroccan Arabic). You are meeting people, making connections, and getting invited to things.  However, this can be problematic.  Turns out people look MUCH different naked then they do with clothes on.  SO, if you think you get invited to dinner by someone who acts like they know you, but then realize you have no idea who that person is, make sure you are with your host sister so she can make sure you don't look like a complete asshole.


And remember, there is minimal personal space in the hammam, so be prepared.  And when you are going to fill up your buckets with water, which you will do quite often in three hours, be careful of where you head is or you will get hit in the face with a boob, true story.